My friend Tyler, who I found through another friend (at the time), was going to fly out from Florida I believe, to San Diego for the purpose of getting me off Suboxone. Last time I attempted this, I drove down to Mexico for the treatment. I didn’t want to do that again. That was sketchy…
This would be the second time I’ve gone through an ibogaine experience. My first experience wasn’t as successful, though still an incredible experience I don’t regret.
So it took awhile but we finally found someone that was willing to do this in our country. Many people won’t, due to the legality of it. But the law is honestly not something I really pay attention to. Not because I don’t believe in law. We all know whats right and what’s wrong (for the most part). And that’s really as far as I take it…
I spoke to him over the phone for awhile and we discussed the next steps.
Again, I decided to take morphine for awhile instead of Suboxone because it’s very difficult to do this (or any treatment) with Suboxone still in your system, because it stays in your system so long.
Tyler
Tyler is the most gentle soul I’ve ever met. He truly believes in what he’s doing, and cares about how it’s done. As do I. He’s doing wonderful work all over the planet and I was extremely lucky to have him perform the ritual/treatment/ceremony/whatever you want to call it..
So he flew out, with his assistant/nurse Teresa. I met Teresa for the first time as well. The two most caring individuals I’ve ever met. They stayed by my side 24 hours a day, for several days.. Taking turns sleeping/etc. I was never without one of them a couple feet away during the whole process. I’m stressing this because it’s important.
Set and setting
Set is your state of mind. Setting is your physical and social environment. The phrase “set and setting” is important. It significantly affects the psychedelic experience, so you need to make sure they’re in order before embarking on your journey. And this is for any psychedelic experience, doesn’t matter the substance or the method used to achieve these states. Intention is also very important, but one can assume that intention is inferred from the “set” part of this equation.
To give an example in regards to intention; when I used to take MDMA on the way to a club or rave or where ever.. And I was taking it to have a good time, or to just not be sober, my experience was completely different, than when I’ve taken it more recently. Which have been just such overwhelming empathy to everything and everyone, and it lasts for weeks after.
The intention of the patient taking MDMA during a therapy session to help with PTSD – I guarantee is very different than a club kid taking it. So the result is different.
Back to the iboga ceremony
This takes place about one year after my first ibogaine experience (which makes this about two years ago). I didn’t quit after my first experience…
If you remember, it was a fairly intense group of events in my life. After all that went down, I got back on Suboxone, back to drinking, and so on… But I didn’t give up. I was working with someone (who I thought was a friend at the time) on various twelve steps, worksheets, a lot of writing, and reading… a lot of behavior changes were being implemented… And during this time, I hired a nanny for the girls.
Our plan was in the works…
She was the first and only person I interviewed. It’s all I needed. I used a nanny hiring service to help with this process. After I filled out the questionnaire, I called them asking what was next and she said she had someone she thought was a great fit and would I be available tomorrow to interview.
I’ll be gone for a week…
As soon as I met her, I somehow knew or felt that she would become a positive role model for my daughters, and that we would all grow to love her dearly. She was coming at such a pinnacle moment in my family’s life… I doubt she understood what she was undertaking when joining our family. Because not soon after I hired her, I needed to ask her to watch my daughters full time while I went off to do the ibogaine thing again (for a week). How do you explain this? Most people don’t know what Suboxone is, let alone ibogaine. Well, thankfully she agreed. I felt such relief knowing she would be watching them.
The checklist
So that was one worry off my list. The next step was to stop taking Suboxone and starting taking the pain pills, which I did for two months. I did have some problems during this process, related to dosage. I overdosed once and seized.
When I overdosed, I woke up on my bedroom floor after convulsing. I know I was seizing because I’ve had over 35 seizures in my life, all of them due to either overdosing from heroin, or withdrawing from an opiate. I went into seizure one more time after this as well.
Staying the path
It’s not easy keeping on a good, healthy path because you really need to create a lot of positive behavior patterns to replace all the negative ones you’ve learned over the years. And even when you do that, you gotta stay on your guard. Because our brains are sneaky, and would love to fall back on its old ways….
It’s dependable.. You know the outcome… good or bad.. Knowing is more important to me…
I would rather go the known path … even if it’s a bad outcome.. Then go towards the unknown. And this is an important distinction to make.. Because this is not evolutionary thinking… This is not beneficial. This keeps you stuck. It keeps you from growing. Yet we continue to make this choice. It’s a conundrum.
Or is it?
To me, it makes perfect sense. You can make adjustments with a known.. You can make better… or worse… Or you can choose to not care. You can choose this because you know the outcome.
People don’t realize how strong that power is.. To choose not to care. It allowed me to do things most people would never dare, nor care to do.
Part two linked here: https://timsblog.me/2022/04/my-ibogaine-experience-with-tyler-part-two/
