If you haven’t read the first part, you should check it out first. Here’s a link: My ibogaine experience with Tyler (part one).
I adjust to the pills I was taking daily (my tolerance increased quicker than your typical heroin tolerance rate). I’m a bit foggy throughout the day, but it was a gentle (and unwanted) reminder of the haze I used to be in 24/7.
Since quitting dope, going on methadone and then Suboxone, I’ve had a few instances where I needed to take pain pills. One was my gall bladder removal surgery, and there was a couple more, but I don’t recall the reasons. But somehow I skimmed right through these times, unscathed. I truly believe heroin destroyed my life so completely, that the thought of doing it, putting that substance in my body, …. It’s no longer a pleasant memory that bubbles up. It’s disgust. So I really don’t have a fear of having to take opiates, if the need should ever arise. That being said, I don’t take that decision lightly. I’ve been hurt pretty bad, and have been in excruciating pain, and I won’t go to the hospital to get some relief. But if I had to, I know I’ll be fine.
The Hippy Dome
It’s time. I pack my bags, and tell my daughters I’m going to get healthy, and that I love them. I go pickup Tyler and Teresa (I think it was me). And we find our way to Ramona, California, where the AirBnb we rented for the week was located… The Hippy Dome…
I guess it’s called The Dome Asylum now. I highly recommend you check it out. It’s very comfortable, and the property owners and neighbors are just the most down to earth people you’ll ever meet. And the grounds, and the “dome” itself.. The natural pool… The chickens.. Cannabis is growing.. San Pedro cactus… They hold various gatherings there I believe. I knew none of this when I chose this. It just said hippy in the name, so I clicked it.. That’s how impulsive I am. It was an AirBnb listing. How fucking down to earth can you get… Chickens walking around the grounds.. Campers stumbling around… kids playing in the natural pool.. (natural pools… weird stuff)…
In fact, everyone that is in my life, outside of my family… somehow, serendipitously has some commonality when it comes to psychedelics.
So we wait. We’re waiting for the night to come. Waiting for the last dose of morphine or fentanyl or whatever it was, to be further in the past. And Tyler starts getting ready.
There’s this really fantastic table in the Dome (that’s what I’ll call it from this point on), and Tyler started setting up the altar. I don’t remember what was on it. I’ll try and think about this some more, to see if any memories come of it. For some reason, it didn’t seem appropriate to take pictures.. so I don’t think I did. At least I can’t find any. Maybe he did, and if he’s reading this, maybe he can send me them and I’ll update the post.
I think he told me to bring white clothing. So I had white shorts, and a white t-shirt on. I don’t remember clearly what he was wearing, but I don’t think it was your usual garb and I’m fairly certain he had face paint all over his face, but I can’t be certain. I know I’ve seen him in this context, but it may have just been photos. I don’t trust my memory, I apologize in advance.
The color of the clothing
I don’t recall what the significance was… Most likely something similar to baptism. Rebirth… Because that’s what it is. There’s no other substance that brings me closer to what I think I was like when I was first born…. Then iboga…
There’s another author that writes about this type of experience, and I urge you to read: https://psychedelictimes.com/holy-war-bwiti-iboga-initiation-part-1/
Back to Tyler…
I don’t remember all the details, and hopefully Tyler can fill in some blanks in the future… But I think he gave me some instructions regarding how to answer his chanting, or whatever we were doing.. He was blessing the altar, blessing the dome, blessing me.. blessing himself.. Lots of various things burning I think… and I was given a spoonful of iboga tree root/bark. Again, they do this to make sure you don’t have an adverse reaction, because the flood dose is a lot stronger and it would be better to see the reaction on a test dose like a spoonful.
Red pill or blue pill
Then I was given a capsule, and proceeded to go into the bedroom on the first floor of the hippy dome. I was not in the master bedroom, because we determined it would be unwise due to the twisty staircase required to go up to the second floor to reach the master bedroom. Ibogaine debilitates you to the point where you can’t walk. And it’s a very odd sensation. Imagine your brain just water logged, and couldn’t figure out which way was up, but at the same time, you’re traveling so fast, the lights and everything you see becomes a blur and starts making you dizzy to the point – the floor is looking very, very comfortable.
I don’t remember as vividly as I did the first time, what happens after I took the capsule. But I do remember noticing that there was no white hot ball of energy leaving my chest, like last time. However I did feel better.. No withdrawal to speak of then. Which ordinarily would be coming on strong by then.
Work in progress
I don’t remember the hallucinations… And the next few days are a big blur… But I’ll try and give you some glimpses into what was going on, as the memories come back (while I write).
I remember, just like last time, I couldn’t eat much at first. While you can’t walk or move around without falling, you won’t want to eat obviously.. Even after you can, for a good 12-24 hours after, I didn’t want to eat. But I remember, all of a sudden, craving fruit. A craving similar to wanting to do more cocaine. Fairly fierce. Like my body knew it was lacking some serious nutrients… Like a hungry cat.. Those animals don’t leave you the hell alone, when they’re hungry.
I remember there were times…. Teresa was cooking some steak for her and Tyler I think.. Some form of meat.. And I couldn’t look at it.. I couldn’t smell it. It was a good few weeks, maybe a month till I could eat red meat again… and I wasn’t proud.. but I soon started enjoying the smell of it and slowly started incorporating it back into my lifestyle, though much more conscientiously and minimally, to this day.
In fact, I think I had my last dose of red meat this very day…
I was taking bites, and I could feel the animal and it wasn’t a good feeling. That was enough for me…. It’s a shame.. I got pretty good at cooking it… And it’s offered everywhere, a quick fix to your hunger or dietary needs.. Though I can hardly imagine a utopian civilization eating animals.. Something just seems fundamentally wrong with it, despite our ancestors doing it for however many years…
The difference with plants, is that you can eat them, but that same life force is still alive… You can eat the flower without killing the plant. When you eat an animal, it no longer exists in that same form.
Honestly, even if none of that mattered, or if I was completely wrong… It just doesn’t agree with my body… With my homeostasis… So it’s gotta go… Side note: I no longer have a gall bladder, so fatty meats and such, don’t agree with me. It took about 5 yrs for this change to occur too.. Odd…..
Back to the dome…
There’s this natural pool in the backyard.. And there’s these areas for laying down, enjoying the air, there’s beds, chairs…. couches… It’s beautiful.. It’s comfortable… I can’t give it enough accolades.. I really benefited from this setting, more than they could really appreciate, I think. Or maybe she can…
I laid in the bed. The most comfortable bed…. It was warm, sunny, California weather… Even at night… the breeze was warm.. and when the Sun was coming up, you heard the roosters.. And I was systematically being rebooted.. Reborn. I felt the elves hard at work in my body.. Destroying any old behavior pattern it came across… Allowing me to see the world as a child again.
This is what spiritual awakenings do. And this isn’t to be taken lightly. It’s a strong power… A presence.. A memory of old…. A wisdom most cherished… Most coveted…
It’s a new chance… Another life… You are the phoenix arising from the ashes, quite literally.. You no longer have to identify with what you created with and slept with and nourished and held… for your entire life. You can create a new identity.. A better identity.. And you didn’t have to be reincarnated to do it. It’s like a cheat button..
The everything that many take for granted….
I was so engrossed in this false reality I created, over decades of psychosis… created of my own doing… That when you unveil the truth, the light is so bright you have to cover your eyes.. And when you finally adjust your eyes so you can see the beauty that unfolds before you… You can’t keep from breaking down onto your knees and balling in front of all to see… It doesn’t matter, because now you can see what you were missing…
To read part three, click here: My ibogaine experience with Tyler (part three)