Not to be dismissed, or ignored. I’ve learned this the hard way. It’s taken about 43 years to become aware that the universe had been putting warning signs in my path. Took another year to actually start trusting and listening to (what basically amounted to) the universe taking a sledge hammer (the size of a small hill) and destroying my current path to force me onto another..
Overdoses, shmoverdoses
To your everyday individual, upstanding citizen, or probably everyone else, overdosing on heroin while driving in the middle of Chicago, would probably be one of those sledge hammer moments… I’m stubborn…
Enjoy your stay!
So I remember this fairly well, though this by no means is the worst overdose experience I’ve had (there’s more than two dozen more). I had just visited the west side of Chicago, because if you’re a suburban teenager/twenty year old, that’s where you go to get your dope. It’s easy peasy. Just drive down some of the streets on the west side and you’ll start hearing “Blows!!” and “Rock!!” – That’s the drug dealers letting the passerbyers know what they are selling. Blows means heroin (because many ppl snort it), and rock means crack cocaine. And don’t worry, every single resident and police officer in those areas knows exactly how the system works…
Drive thru service
So when you hear that being yelled, you pull over, roll your window down and someone comes running up to your car.. Anyone aging from 6 yrs old to 70 yrs old. I’ve been served by all ages and types. Have had guns put to my head. 7 or 8 year old kids, running up to my window (with what looked like a shotgun), putting it to my head and hearing the gun go off – and all I see is blue.
Would you like your interior re-painted sir?
Apparently, they make paintball guns that look realistic enough to scare the living shit out of me. So when the gun goes off, it apparently hit my winter coat (padding), and exploded and splattered blue paint all over the interior of my car. That didn’t stop me from coming right back the next day though. I probably just went a couple blocks further down.
Viva La Mexico
Keep in mind, the cops (undercover police, detectives, vice, regular patrols), they’re circling these blocks and neighborhoods, almost 24h a day. And all of them are very, very, very angry. So angry… that the likes of me are visiting their fine city for this purpose. It also doesn’t help that I’m the only caucasian looking individual for 5 miles, but the jokes on them…. I’m half Mexican.
Naturally, I got the hell out of there as fast as I could. Because honestly, it looked like I just robbed a bank and the device just blew up in my car.
Back to my story….
The paintball story was just me getting sidetracked, but I also wanted to give another example of the universe using its sledge hammer.
So I’m leaving the west side of Chicago. My car is not painted blue this time. I successfully scored, and yes there’s times I would be unsuccessful. If the guys (or kids) on the street wanted to take my money and just slowly walk away, there was not much I could do about it. Ironically, I had built a rapport with most of the guys in the areas I would frequent, and they made sure no one would mess with me. Including cops (for the most part).
Let me pull over right quick…
If I was buying dope on the westside, I was probably sick. Rarely did I make it to any destination before pulling over and doing a shot of heroin, before proceeding on.
I must’ve done this exact thing, because the next few minutes are fuzzy. I remember going right through red lights with my head resting on the steering wheel, only after it hit it so hard, the horn was blaring the entire time. From the last point I remember, to where my car was found – was an entire mile. Driving through downtown Chicago, not breathing, head on the steering wheel and didn’t hit one single person or animal. I hit a parked car one mile away.
Not a scratch on me
When I woke up, I had a glaring headache and I tried to scratch my forehead but I couldn’t. I quickly realized I was handcuffed to a hospital gurney. There was bright lights above me, blinding me. Squinting, trying to figure out what the hell just happened (I had not recalled the moments before the accident yet, I didn’t even know what state I was in).
Then I see my mom, who looked like she just aged 20 more years, eyes bloodshot, tears rolling down her face, and her mouth skewed (like when she was angry, her lip would get crooked, and if she got real mad, her lips would just disappear), but this time shivering out of fear, anxiety and worry. Then I see my dad. He has bloodshot eyes as well, which I remember vividly because I’ve never seen my dad cry (still true to this day).
This wasn’t even my first overdose. Probably not my second or third either. This wasn’t my parents first rodeo either. One or the other have previously been called to various hospitals for this same reason. But with the car accident, and me handcuffed to the bed, and a police officer who was probably scaring them even more than they already were…. I imagine the whole scene was a bit much.
This may sound crazy…
You would think this was one of those moments… one where you just know the character in this story would see what the universe is telling them, yelling at them…. Taking a fucking sledge hammer and obliterating what you think is your only path, but at the same time creating a new one.
You would be wrong though. This was a mere speed bump that didn’t alter my current trajectory whatsoever.
Little blessings do happen
Apparently, I hit a parked car in Humboldt Park. And a nearby resident saw the accident and called 911. The police arrived since there was damage, and I imagine they saw all of my syringe gear and drugs were sprawled all over the inside of my car, in plain sight.
So I wake up handcuffed to the bed. The cop explains what happened, then he takes the handcuffs off me, and tells me to get back to my car as soon as possible, get rid of the stuff in the car, and get it towed. I asked him about the other car I hit. He said not to worry, it’s most likely stolen anyway. No ticket was issued, no arrest was made. With a suspended drivers license, and probably no insurance, I didn’t have a scratch on me. I had a horrendous headache however, due to all the Narcan they injected into me (to get me breathing again).
What happened after this is not very clear. Like what my parents decided to do with me (this time). I imagine I was shipped off to another treatment center, because back then, that was the only way we knew how to handle my addiction. And that’s alright. Some of these places probably kept me alive. Probably got me to this point. And I definitely learned something from all these experiences. Just not in real time..
Sometimes the curriculum is difficult (as Ram Dass says) and it’s hard to understand why, or what you’re supposed to be learning from all your experiences, good or bad. But that’s the best part. Trying to figure out this crazy experience called life… Stay curious, stay open minded and make it fun…
